Jesse Jackson Apologizes for Getting Caught Speaking Ill of Barack Obama
Here's a little thing that I've learned in the course of studying politics: If the media is paying attention to Jesse Jackson, you just know it's gonna be something good…
The Rev. Jesse Jackson issued an apology to Barack Obama Wednesday for criticizing the Illinois senator's recent comments directed toward some members of the black community.
According to Jackson, a Fox News microphone picked up comments he meant to deliver privately that seemed to disparage the presumptive Democratic nominee for appearing to lecture the black community on morality.
What the fuck is wrong with him? If I were a controversial black Democrat, I wouldn't even think disparaging comments about Barack Obama near a Fox News microphone.
Jackson didn't elaborate on the context of his remarks, except to say he was trying to explain that Obama was hurting his relationship with black voters by recently conducting "moral" lectures at African-American churches.
According to Matt Drudge, Fox News will be airing Jackson's mysteriously defamatory comments on — you guessed it — The O'Reilly Factor (sponsored by Auntie Thelma's Motherfucking Iced Tea) tonight at 8pm.
* On a completely irrelevant note, this is the third Jesse-related post of the day. On most days, there are zero Jesse-related posts. The others are here and here. I'm really pulling for John Stamos to do something interesting in the next hour or so!
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Dear Jesse:
Good job. White people will really vote for Obama as long as they know you and he are adversaries. He's just what they want—an anti Jesse Jackson. If the two of you would have been buddies, his campaign would be dead in the water. Now a lot of whites feel they can silence you forever by voting in a "not so race obsesses Negro". Someone that won't hold their four hundred years of racism against them as they don't hold his "Blackness" against him.
Maybe he was just talking about a poll.
Jackson Penis Jeoparady!
For $200 - What is a, "Cocksucking Uncle Tom?"
For $400 - What is, "Time for an Obama Haime Town Big Ol' Bris Fest?"
For $600 - What is "AC/DC's 'Big Balls' as the entrance music at the DNC for kissing The Man's Ass and selling out Black Churches?"
Daily Double - What is "A condescending prick?"
For $1000 - What is "Barack Obama has such a small penis he will ruin our mythical cock legend forever and neuter his chances for the White House by swinging his shaft to the right."
No, I'm sorry. The Correct Jeopardy! Question is: What is, "I want to cut his nuts off?" Our judges will not accept bris. If Jews would only speak plainly.
Jesse Jackson Jr. bitch-slapped his dad back to his senses.
This will go down in American History as the Castration Proclamation.
"I WANNA CUT HIS NUTS OFF!!!" An open letter to Jesse:
You are a fucking asshole. This has nothing to do with race. It has everything to do with the fact that you Rev. Jesse Jackson are a world class, jealous, spotlight craving, prick. The first African-American nominee ever and you wants his balls on a silver platter? Cocktail sauce included? GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!
First, "Haime Town," then deeming the Duke lacrosse players guilty, publicly hanging them, stirring shit up by playing the race card, and never apologizing for that crap to white players after they were vindicatied. You jump on The Rutgers bandwagon for YOU NOT THEM.
Now, you quietly whisper into a Fox Microphone thinking it was cold? My fucking ass. Even it was cold, only a cold-hearted bastard would ever say such a thing. Jesse's a jealous, no good, cheating, bitter, jaggoff, following sheep, who couldn't hold his son's or Baracks' jock strap. MLK must be spinning in his grave.
I couldn't give a silent fart whom this jerk marched with in the past. You didn't do shit for the Civil Rights Act of 1965. You just bootstrapped you ass onto it after others died for it. You're no Malcolm. You're no Huey Newton. You certainly are no Ghandi. You're a low-grade moron who take pleasure in seeing others suffer and use it for your own ends.
You weren't Rosa Parks. You weren't a woman getting the right to vote. You didn't give 18 year olds the right to vote. All that crap in your, "apology" was the tired pretext and another attempt to get spotlight. A black man saying he wants to cut a Presidential Nominee's nuts off? Suck on this:
You don't give a damn about the Rutgers Women's basketball team. Wonder how many players you can name Cocksuck. You just wanted to fuck Imus up, who is a dickhead also, but you simply used him as a rag to get attention for yourself. Why I actually paid money to see you speak once sickens me even further. Knowing, I put dough into your coffers makes me want to hurl. Maybe now your CAREER will go where it should — A COFFIN. BITCH. Oh, that's right… one can't use urban lingo. But you sure as fuck like hanging with Snoop don't you mutherfucker.
Your Rainbow Coalition is transparent and an illusion. The illusion being the pot of gold at the end of it going right into your damned pockets. Rainbow. We've gotta be in Oz at this point to continue to buy into your horseshit. But, you probably would call me a racist for using an illusion to Kansas. No asswipe. I have a foul mouth. For fucksticks like you.
You're nothing more than a whore riding the coat tails of others hard endeavors or exploiting others misfortunes. You ain't no Mohamed Ali. You stink like a pig sty and steal like a thief. That's all you've ever been and that's all he will be. And, now we have to listen to MUTHERFUCKING O'REILLY BUST HIS ASS ON IT? You didn't even have the balls to properly apologize and left it to FOX AND BILL TO TAKE A LEAK AND PISS ALL OVER HIM AND BARACK. Not gonna rope any dopes. FUCK YOU JACKSON. You've done more to set back African-American causes than David Duke. O'Reilly busted you dufus. Sharpton's on FOX trying to cover your ass and he can't even do it.
Let's do lunch. I apologize for asking you to perform an impossible act on yourself.
FUCKING FOX AND BILL GOT YOU YA DUMBASS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_valZekCk0
Hey, I really thought the "Triple Jesse" post was gonna be all mine.
You're whatever the blogpost version of cockblocker is.
http://iamatvjunkie.typepad.com/i_am_a_tv_junkie_a_blog_f/2008/07/so-i-thought-the-triple-jesse-post-would-be-my-unique-invention.html
Jesse Jackson has become Bill Clinton.
Jesse Jackson + Jesse Helms + Uncle Jesse = Triple Lindy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FUxUiMyt70